I consider myself a real thinker. I often sit there, thinking, for hours.
Of course, the real deep thoughts only come when I pick my nose,
for the nose contains special nerves that stimulate thought. To supplement
my thought, get ideas, I often try re-arranging letters in a word or name. This
is a lot of fun and also very revealing (James Durtka can be re-arranged
to spell Data sum Jerk, which in my opinion is a very good description
So this morning I sat there (don't ask where) thinking, and after much
consideration I came to a fascinating conclusion: politics is both stupid
Just look at 2004. In November of 2004 the people were given a choice:
do we want the boring loser? Or do we want the stupid loser? (Note:
in what I think is the greatest literary accomplishment of this year, and
possibly even of this century, I noticed this morning that while "George
Bush won" can be rearranged to spell "on Bush we Gorge",
"John Kerry" can be rearranged to spell "horny JerK.")
We chose the stupid loser, and I truly believe it's only because he makes us laugh.
Plus, we couldn't "gorge on" him if he lost! Whereas Kerry is a "Horny Jerk" no matter
if he wins or loses.
What sorta scared me, though, is that exactly ONE MINUTE after it was announced that the stupid loser won (Newscasters for all news networks
except Fox: "The stupid loser won."), certain people began campaigning for
2008!SUDDENLY, the TV turned on, and the newscaster says "The stupid loser won" and then the face of a very evil former first lady fills the screen and she's going
"MuhahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" and her voice sounds like
satan's voice only higher, and if you look closely you can clearly see horns, hooves,
and a tail.
Since then, a few things have happened:
(1)Republicans (Re: can i pus) screwed up. BIG TIME.
(2)Democrats (come, D rats!), who are almost certain to win
2008 (see #1) have two major candidates, Hillary Clinton (AKA Satan's Minion) and
Barack Obama (AKA the really cool black dude).
(3)Clinton announces her campaign catch-phrase:
"At least I'm not the black guy!"
and Obama announces his:
"At least I'm not the freaky lady!"
(I would vote for Obama if I could - Hillary scares me)
(4)Hillary changes hers (to avoid being lynched) to:
"Let the conversation begin!"
(Note: I don't want a conversation with a woman whose voice sounds like that
of an old man being bit by weasels. Sorry, but no thanks.)
And it became clear to the rest of the world that 2008 and 2009 (not to
mention 2010-2012) are gonna be, very, very, VERY BAD YEARS for us.
Because so far, the only candidate who looks even slightly decent is a guy whose
name can be rearranged to spell "Am a rack boba" which is not a good sign.
Apparently, for 12 consecutive years (and probably more after that) our nation is
run by losers. Perhaps it's time to leave the country: Oh, Canada!